My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
