When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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