You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize