if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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