you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
