That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
