I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
should my penis look like a turkey
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
