so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
