matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
