im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
