saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
