so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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