You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
