was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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