Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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