It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
