last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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