I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
