happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
