please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
