We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
