I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
