You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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