She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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