I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
