I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
