Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
