i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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