The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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