Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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