on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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