oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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