Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
