Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
