why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
