exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
