I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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