Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
