Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
