I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
