i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
