I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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