I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
