32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
