Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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