I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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