The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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