I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
