she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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