In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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