Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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