I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
