Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
