She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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