Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
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I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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