Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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