so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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