"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
