Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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