Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
