I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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