I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm at about main and main street
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
