He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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