i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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