I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
