i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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