My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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