Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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